My name is Ellen Ladau, and my daughter is a regular contributor to The Disability Dialogue.

Each day, I am reminded of the importance of being sensitive to the situations of people with and without visible physical disabilities. But the reality is that we all can only truly know our own unique situations and perhaps only hope to truly understand the life issues of family members or friends with disabilities. That said, I’d like to share thoughts I’ve developed from my experiences having spent almost 54 years on two feet.

Ambulation, or walking, as an all-important goal, is overrated. As children, my brother (who is also disabled) and I made at least annual visits to our orthopedist and had to walk in our underwear down the hallway so the doctor could assess our gait, or walking pattern. While walking before my doctor, I always wondered what fate would have in store for me – a change in leg braces? Or worse yet, surgery? I don’t ever recall being asked my opinion on the subject of my walking even though I was a bright and verbal child. A wheelchair was never suggested as an option, and the only times I ever used one as a child was in Disneyland with my family and after surgeries since I was terrified of falling with crutches.

Although I never questioned my walking, it should have occurred to me or my family that it was wearing me down to the point of negatively impacting other areas of my life. I believe one of the reasons that I did not get very socially involved in school clubs is that I was exhausted by the end of the day from walking around a large building. This exhaustion only intensified when I went to a residential college (Clark University) and found myself in bed when most of the parties were just getting started.

Now, having watched my daughter – who has the same disability as me – consciously choose to use her wheelchair instead of walking, I see that she is able to concentrate on and enjoy activities and her friends rather than struggle with cumbersome braces and a walker just for the sake of walking. To be fair, in my childhood (before the Americans with Disabilities Act existed), life in a wheelchair was not nearly as possible due to lack of curb cuts or awareness of providing other accommodations to people with disabilities. But even though it was a difficult decision at first, the fact that my daughter made her decision at a young age to primarily use her wheelchair is going to prevent damage to her joints and conserve her energy to live her life.

To be clear, I am not advocating that young children make their own medical decisions solely on their own. But if they have the capacity to participate in the conversations, please let them. It is their body and even if they do not like the final decision, they need to understand as much as possible what will be done to their body and what goals are hoped to be achieved.

Whether your child uses braces, crutches, a walker, or a wheelchair, always encourage them to “listen to their body.” This is what I tell my daughter. Rest is critical with any physical disability and only a few among us truly have the capacity to push ourselves beyond our own limits. And we should not feel we have to apologize for that!

So, why is all this on my mind? In the last few weeks, after a lifetime of walking, I have made the transition to using a wheelchair almost full-time. It has been years since I first needed a power mobility device outside the house, but with my braces and walker, I still walked around my house. But now, my new pair of braces (which were needed due to weight loss) have become so uncomfortable and numerous trips to have them adjusted haven proven fruitless. I have a fully wheelchair accessible house, so why fight it?

The brace maker’s answer is that braces will protect my bones from fracture because I have os-teopenia, which is the pre-cursor to osteoporosis. And, of course, he wants me to bear the fruits of all his efforts. But it is my body and it is time I make the decision to honor what it is telling me. Walking is just not right for me anymore. I can still stand and I will work with my doctor to hope-fully avoid progressing to osteoporosis. I will work once and for all to stop my weight from yo-yo-ing as it has done all my life, but the damage to all my arthritic joints has already been done. And I want to do the most I can to protect them in the years to come.

But finally now, after years of struggling to stay on two feet, I am proud to say: my name is Ellen Ladau and I am a wheelchair user!