Note: As many of our readers know, Tim Barbato, one of CDR’s Advocacy Interns, passed away recently. This week, his family sent us an article that Tim wrote about the R-Word. He was very much aware of our advocacy against the use of the R-Word, and we are pleased to be able to share with you his reflections from the viewpoint of a high school student who heard the R-Word spoken all too often by his classmates.

When you hear the term “offensive language” what do you think of? Swear words, threatening words, discriminating words? After recent events in the news, I started thinking about what this term means.

Most of you have probably heard about the Monroe County Councilman who called a colleague a “retard” at a public meeting. This offended a lot of people. When he was asked to apologize for using this word in a discriminating manner, he denied that he had said it. Some county officials apparently felt that it was “no big deal.” (Ed. Note: On December 8, 2009, after Tim wrote this, the County Legislature unanimously passed the “Person First Language Act” in response to intense disability advocacy on the issue.)

Would you find this word offensive? Would you see a need to apologize if you had said it?

When I go down the halls of my school I hear this word frequently.

“Hey retard!”
“Don’t be so retarded!”
“Whatcha doing retard?”

I think to myself, do they even know what the word means?

Do they understand that some people would find this word offensive? I’m sure that most may not even realize that it’s offensive because they are using it to be funny or they have heard it so often, it doesn’t even faze them. Maybe they’ve even heard it at home said by adults.

The dictionary defines “retard” as to hinder, delay or slow the advance of progress of something. So why would some find this word offensive? One reason that people with disabilities find it offensive is that we can all name some of the words we’ve heard about ourselves and remember the embarrassment or pain we felt.

I have physical limitations. It offends me when people ignore me or speak to my assistant about me as if I can’t answer for myself. Oftentimes, people see my wheelchair and automatically think I’m unable to communicate.

Others who have seen me use adaptive equipment call my methods creepy or weird. I’m not easily offended, but when people see the wheelchair and make ignorant judgments about me, I am hurt.

We live in a society that is sometimes overly concerned with Political Correctness. It’s probably impossible to live life without offending or being offended by someone.

The issue here is that people need to think before they speak or act. We need to imagine what it would feel like if someone said something offensive to us.

So what about you? Have you ever said a version of the R-Word? Have you heard others use it without thinking about who it might offend? I challenge each of you to search yourself to see what you may have said or done that was offensive toward a person with a disability?

Can you make a change in what you say and do? And how about this? Will you have the guts to stand up to someone who uses “retard” in an offensive manner?

I believe everyone can make a difference if they would just stop and think before they speak.