Quality of life is the degree of well-being felt by an individual or group of people. Quality of life is not a tangible concept, and therefore cannot be measured directly. It is virtually impossible to predict the quality of life of a specific individual, since the combination of attributes that leads one individual to be content is rarely the same for another individual.

I was challenged in a way that I never thought was possible. Several years ago, I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I was in a situation that I could no longer ignore, or pretend didn’t exist.

As my mother lay in the hospital bed I began to think about the vital impact that decisions have on other people. I was in a situation where my mother, who was young by societal standards, could not make her wishes known. As I listened to the hum of the ventilator, I realized that there was no one that I was able to consult to find answers to my questions. I needed to make a decision to determine whether someone lives or dies. This woman in front of me was my mother. To them, she was a patient and her past years spent with her family was a mystery to them. I knew that I had to do what I thought was right, what she would want me to do.

To hear the doctors stand over her and talk about her like she did not exist upset me. I watched nurses come in and leave, not speaking to her before they gave her injections. This infuriated me. From a medical perspective all of her organs were in failure. She was in a medically induced coma and restrained to the bed for days. Everyday, I waited to hear progress, but it never came. I asked myself is this would be considered a good quality of life?

What should I do?

Mom always told me that she did not want to be in a nursing home. I pondered the fact that her life would not possibly be the same if she got better. Could she drive still? Who was going to help her take care of herself if she couldn’t? Do I let her stay in the hospital and receive treatment to sustain her life at this point? All these questions were milling in my mind.

My mother always said that I was going to take care of her when I get “older”, and asked that I not put her in a nursing home. I heard that over and over in my head as I considered the options.

In reality, I made the decision about her life and death based on incomplete information. I didn’t know about the abundance of supports that are available to assist individuals to remain independent, without being forced into a nursing home. And no one told me about them.

I never had the chance to see what might have happened if I made a different decision. My mother took her last breath six minutes after the ventilator was disconnected.

As I left the hospital I heard my name called from a distance. I looked up and it was her attending physician. He offered his condolences and that he wanted me to know that I made “the right decision”, given the medical condition of my mother. Those words didn’t make me feel any better about what had just happened. His words could not change the outcome.

Three years later, I have to say that I learned a great deal from that experience. I can’t help but think that if I knew then what I knew now, things might be different. Although unfortunately I can never go backwards and change what happened, I can however assist others and offer some advice.

Always make your wishes known to your loved ones because only you can determine your own quality of life.